1/22/13
It's been three weeks since Caleb Mennen, CEO of Caleb Laboratories, Inc. announced the discovery of the JaKelly virus. So far it has only infected two victims, Jake Mennen (Experiment 34) and Kelly Stranberg (Experiment 43). The joining of the victims' names have dubbed the virus 'JaKelly.'
Jake Mennen, age 12, showed signs of peculiar behavior before contracting the virus. Symptoms included but were not limited to: inability to remain in a stationary or moving sled, murdering innocent Baby Jesus snow sculptures, immediately volunteering to check the laundry so as to escape from bringing sleds in from outside, making strange squawking noises, frequently misplacing items, shopping for snowboards, and insisting on sitting two seats away from his fellow victim, Kelly Stranberg.
Kelly Stranberg, age 14, is believed to have been the first to contract the virus, however, we are unable to offer proof at this time. Her family says that she always was a little strange. Her symptoms have included but are not limited to: confusing the words 'immorality' and 'immortality', obsessing over close friends, inability to remain in a stationary or moving sled, keeping a close eye on throwing knifes, tube hogging, and other peculiar behavior.
A possible third victim is being observed. Kylie Shaw (Experiment 45), age 14, has been displaying symptoms similar to that of experiments 34 and 43. However, she has also developed a unique trait that has not been previously seen in victims of the JaKelly virus. This unusual trait is the inability to learn how to snowboard. Experiment 34 proved that he could snowboard without too much trouble. Experiment 43 has not yet been tested. Updates on Experiment 45 are expected to be released shortly.
Could you be at risk? Statistics show that most people have about a 4% chance of contracting the disease. How can you protect yourself against it? Highly-trained scientists, Nora Dog and Mable Tube, are working to develop a vaccination. However, until it is safe for general use, there are a few precautions you can take. Avoid being in close quarters with those who have the disease. Do not socialize with people named Jake or Kelly. If you have been to a foreign country, specifically France or Zambia, you have a higher risk of catching it. If you or someone you know displays any of the symptoms mentioned above, seek professional medical help immediately. For more information regarding the JaKelly virus please contact Caleb Laboratories, Inc.
Sincerely,
Heather Stranberg
Agent 297, Case 014
Code: FPSS JaKelly
Caleb Laboratories, Inc.
